


it isn't always like this

by merrymegtargaryen



Category: Mad Max Series (Movies)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/F, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 06:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4336862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/merrymegtargaryen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toast has been alone for as long as she can remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it isn't always like this

Toast has been alone for as long as she can remember.

Even when she wasn’t surrounded by people, Toast was always alone. She remembered a man who she thought might have been her father telling her once: “The more you carry with you, the harder the journey. Take only what you cannot live without.”

He had died trying to carry her to safety.

Toast has been alone for as long as she can remember.

.

When she comes to the Citadel they give her a husband and two sisters whose names sound more like descriptions than people.

“They are your family now,” the man they call Immortan Joe tells her.

“I don’t want a family,” Toast tells him.

It’s the first time that he hits her.

The pretty one named Splendid with some not-very-splendid scars on her arm and face washes the blood off Toast’s face later. “You don’t know what he can do to you,” she warns.

“Did he do that to you?” Toast asks, pointing to the scars.

Splendid’s face turns to stone. “In a way.”

.

Splendid washes blood off of Toast later, but this time it wasn’t just her face. Toast refuses to let them see her cry, and it isn’t until Splendid presses the warm washcloth to her face that she allows hot, angry tears to spill from her eyes. “Is it always like this?” she asks. The other woman will not answer, so she presses, “Splendid?”

“My name is Angharad,” the woman whose name is Angharad says bitterly. “Things are splendid. I’m not a thing.” She looks at Toast. “We are not things.”

.

The three of them–Toast, Angharad, Capable–are close for a time. Toast likes being alone, but she likes being with her sisters almost as much as she likes being alone. She can almost bear Immortan Joe if they are by her side.

And then Capable miscarries and cries for three days straight, and nothing they say or do can make her stop.

“Is it always like this?” Toast whispers to Angharad late one night, Capable’s cries turned to soft whimpers in a restless sleep.

Angharad doesn’t answer.

.

Two other girls join them, and suddenly Toast is alone all over again. She likes the girls as much as she’s ever liked anyone, which isn’t to say a lot, but she helps Angharad and Capable wash the blood off of Dag when she’s still frozen in shock.

“Is it always like this?” Dag asks in a broken whisper later that night.

“No,” Toast lies. “Not always.”

.

Toast wakes up one morning to find Angharad sitting on her bed, carefully pressing a razor into her forehead.

“Why do you do that to yourself?” she asks. It isn’t the first time, and Toast doesn’t think it will be the last.

Angharad looks over at her, a trickle of blood running down her face. “He thinks I’m his property,” she says calmly. “I am not his property. I am not his splendid thing. We are not things.”

Toast can’t help thinking that Angharad has never looked lovelier.

.

The Immortan likes their hair. He likes how sleek and shiny Angharad’s is, how red and tangled Capable’s is, how silvery and ethereal Dag’s is, how thick and pretty Cheedo’s is. He likes how thick and coarse Dag’s is, likes to hear her grunt in pain when he pulls too hard too fast.

She thinks of Angharad, scarring the Immortan’s property. We are not things.

She cuts off all her hair until it’s as short as Imperator Furiosa’s, and the beating she gets afterward is worth it just to see the anger in his eyes. I am not a thing.

.

The more you carry with you, the harder the journey. Take only what you cannot live without.

But what do you do, Toast wonders as they crowd into the hold of the war rig, if what you cannot live without is what’s making the journey so hard?

She looks over at Angharad. The older girl sees her look and smiles at her. “We’re going to the Green Place,” she whispers, squeezing Toast’s hand. “Whatever happens, we’re going to the Green Place.”

.

Angharad falls from the war rig, and Toast, who has always been alone, always liked being alone, feels lonely for the first time in her life.

“Whatever happens, we’re going to the Green Place,” she gasps around the giant, consuming feeling of loneliness.

Is it always like this?


End file.
